i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
