Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
