What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
