I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
