He kissed a someone with a penis
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
