i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
