literally had 100 drinks last night.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
