He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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