I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize