Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
