He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I want her autograph on my taint
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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