I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
