cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
