well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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