My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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