idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
