I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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