Define "chronic" masturbator.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
