god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
