How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
