Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
