Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He did a backflip because drugs
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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