I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
