The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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