haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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