I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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