He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
