I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
