Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize