She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
