Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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