I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
