I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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