What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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