Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Barsexuality is the new black.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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