Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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