So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
this beer tastes like vomit already
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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