Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
