I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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