we're blogging at a bar
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Me. At least after what I've been through.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
