she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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