Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found your dick twin last night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
