he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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