Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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