I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
