How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
