the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize