Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i drank out of a bidet.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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