I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
