ADVERTISEMENT

• (212): View more from New York

  her vagina looked like bernie madoff

  Fav 23 829 4203

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...

  Fav 11 3717 1281

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.

  Fav 7 1112 2467

  share tweet
  

• (515): View more from Iowa

  i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.

  Fav 7 1077 3088

  share tweet
  

• (313): View more from Michigan

  Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.

  Fav 8 2654 857

  share tweet
  

• (817): View more from Texas

  Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.

  Fav 7 1019 2107

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (251): View more from Alabama

  THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.

  Fav 14 1545 856

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.

  Fav 9 2586 818

  share tweet
  

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.

  Fav 8 1162 864

  share tweet
  

• (207): View more from Maine

  It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.

  Fav 1 1006 570

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.

  Fav 6 1197 624

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (212): View more from New York

  You tried paying your tab with the coaster

  Fav 1 394 169

  share tweet
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Dude chill patience is a virtue.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?

  Fav 0 85 8

  share tweet
  

• (813): View more from Florida

  Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.

  Fav 0 90 22

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (916): View more from California

  one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess

  Fav 0 113 44

  share tweet
  

Randomize