I accidentally had phone sex last night
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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