PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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