Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
