...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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