You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
