Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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