She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
