It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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