what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
