i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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