The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
