i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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