so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
