fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
