i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
