your parents love me but you hate me
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
