I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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