His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
