Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
