i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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