Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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