You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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