yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
