i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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