i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
