I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
