I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
