It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
