I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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