Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
