i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
